It is important to clarify that if you have ever been subjected to unwanted sexual advances,
IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
Whether you fought, ran or froze. Whether you wore a baggy pair of sweats and a turtle neck or an itzy bitzy clubbing dress. Whether you were drunk, high or walking naked down the street. Sexual assault is NEVER the victim's fault.
True, it is unwise to get drunk, high or walk down the street naked and those things do make you vulnerable to someone who would take advantage. However, nothing you wear or do makes it acceptable for another person to take advantage of you.
If you see a car that is unlocked with the keys in the ignition and take it for a drive, won't you still face charges of grand theft auto when the police find you? Sure, most will agree it is not smart to leave your car unlocked--especially with the keys in the ignition, but does that mean to take the car isn't stealing? Of course not! In the same way, nothing can excuse the actions of a person who knowingly sexual assaults another person regardless of how or why that person was vulnerable.
The only person to blame for sexual assault is the perpetrator.
Self blame is a common effect of sexual assault, especially in cases where the victim was incapacitated by alcohol, drugs or the hard-wired 'freeze response,' but it is important to realize that you are not responsible for what happened to you. One of the biggest steps you can take to find healing is too not only know, but to believe that you are not to blame.
I know that it is difficult to do. After my assault, I knew rationally that it was not my fault because at the time it happened, there physically was nothing that I could do to make it stop. However, it took me nearly two years to fully accept and believe that I was not to blame. For months I carried so much guilt that did not really belong to me. I wish I could offer a step by step process to explain how to stop the self-blame, how to make yourself believe the truth, but the truth is that there is no one size fits all solution. It is something that each of us must deal with individually...However, you do not have to be alone while you learn to fully accept your innocence.
You are not guilty.
You are not dirty.
You are the innocent in this horrible experience.
And I want you to remember that you are not alone.